Being cheated on is never a pleasant experience. Discovering your partner or potential beau has cheated in the past typically qualifies as a deal breaker…or does it?
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve encountered a cheater but want to gauge whether they deserve a second chance. So, you’re asking yourself “what does cheating say about a person?”
Perhaps you’re a spouse whose partner had an illegitimate affair. Or, you’re dating someone who confessed to having cheated on an ex in the past. Regardless of what your circumstances are, this article will help you understand what goes on in the mind of a cheater.
But first, let’s briefly explore why people may cheat.
Why Do Some People Cheat?
Contrary to popular belief, many cheaters love their spouse or partner despite their illegitimate affair. However, their love may have taken a malicious twist, indicated by when the cheater puts their own “needs” before their partner’s.
On that note, here’s a list of reasons why someone may have cheated on their partner:
- The relationship became too “boring” and lackluster. A husband, wife, or long-term partner may have developed a mundane everyday routine with little time for romance, encouraging the cheater to seek thrill elsewhere. While this isn’t the non-cheating partner’s fault, it’s easy for their other half to feel neglected and unimportant. However, cheating isn’t a healthy way to cope with boredom or negligence, and typically creates new problems instead of solving older ones.
- They needed escape from the relationship’s pressures and found it in a temporary, thrilling affair. Again, this is an unhealthy coping mechanism and creates more problems than it solves.
- They felt tied-down in their relationship and needed an escape from it. This is similar to the last point, but also resonates with the idea of being ‘young, wild, and free.’ This is more common amongst people who entered long-term relationships at a young age. They may feel they’ve missed out on their sexual exploration phase, and cheat to make up for it. Unfortunately, they may also turn a blind eye to the benefits that come with being in a long-term relationship with a committed partner, like trust, security, and companionship.
Of course, there’s also those individuals who cheat simply for the sake of cheating. They may display narcissistic traits and gaslight their partner into believing the cheating was justified. They may also try to placate their partner by buying them expensive gifts or sweet-talking them into forgiveness…only to go out and cheat again.
If you’re involved with a person like that, don’t fall into their traps! People like that tend to be serial cheaters and seldom own up to their mistakes. This is one of the few places where the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” applies.
How Do Cheaters Feel About Themselves?
Most cheaters feel awful for letting their partner down. They may feel unworthy after realizing they’ve hurt the one person that trusted them blindly. Such cheaters are less likely to cheat again and may work to repair the relationship.
However, some cheaters don’t regret cheating. Their reasons may vary greatly. For example, wife may cheat on her husband after finding out he had an affair. Or, a husband may cheat on his wife because she didn’t pay him any attention, and he felt “justified” in receiving it elsewhere. These are both examples of cheating for revenge, and make cheaters feel less guilty.
Now is a good time to ask yourself this question: what does cheating say about a person who cheated to feel better? Well, if they’ve cheated for revenge, they may be a severely vengeful person with an appetite for chaos. Or, they may not have a healthy way to cope with betrayal. In the second case, they may deserve forgiveness and should be encouraged to seek counseling.
Does Cheating Make You a Bad Person?
If you ask around, most people will agree that cheating is bad. Yet, many of them will go on to cheat on their partners and regret it after it’s done.
While cheating isn’t something to be taken lightly, it may be more common than most people realize. This is because it becomes a coping mechanism for many partners who are otherwise “good people.”
Anything from work stress to relationship troubles can encourage cheating. However, cheating is not a healthy way to address these problems
Having an affair can hurt the non-cheating partner who may already be dealing with other stressors in their life. Plus, it breaks the trust between both partners. What makes things worse is that this trust was developed over years, only to come crashing down in a moment of haste led by one partner. It can lead to disappointment on both sides.
If anything, these side-effects of cheating are what make a cheater a bad partner, though they may be an overall decent person. For example, they may regularly donate to charities and spend quality time with their children, but have failed to stay loyal to their spouse.
This failure to be a trustworthy partner can resonate in other spheres of their life, too. For example, business partners may assume the worst from a person who has cheated their romantic partner, expecting them to be dishonest in business matters, too…despite having no proof to back up this claim.
Again, a cheater may not necessarily be a bad person, but rather a bad romantic partner.
If they entered an affair to help escape their daily pressures, they must learn to handle personal problems in a healthier way. Cheating only hurts people, be it the non-cheating partner, or the cheater themselves.
So, next time you ask yourself “what does cheating say about a person?”, remember these key points!
Why Do I Keep Getting Cheated On?
If you keep getting cheated on by the same person, chances are you’re trapped with a serial cheater.
Keep in mind that not all cheaters feel guilty or remorse. Most will, but there’s always a minority that feels highly entitled to repeatedly offend their romantic partner.
If you’re currently seeing someone like that, it’s best to break things off if possible. Or, if you’re in a long-term commitment with children or shared assets, you can try consulting a couples counselor for guidance. However, know that most serial cheaters won’t agree to go to a counselor with you. So, if they show no signs of willing to repair the relationship, consider it a red flag. Such relationships typically aren’t worth staying in.
So, what does cheating say about a person who keeps cheating? To summarize, it means they don’t value you and don’t have the strength to quit engaging in illicit affairs.
Is a Cheater Always a Cheater?
There’s no fixed formula to calculate if someone is going to cheat again. Humans are complicated like that. Luckily, keeping track of certain behaviors can clue us into what a cheater’s next move might be.
If you can see them making an effort to repair the relationship, chances are they truly regret their actions and don’t want to lose you. If so, they likely won’t cheat again. However, they should consider entering therapy if stress caused them to cheat. This will help ensure they work through their problems in a healthy manner and don’t succumb to cheating again.
On the other hand, your partner may not be interested in repairing the relationship. They may be severely dissatisfied with their romantic life and see no point in continuing things. While such feelings don’t justify infidelity, they do suggest now is a good time to end the relationship. If two people are not happy together, one or both partners may cheat to make themselves feel better. Such relationships seldom last and are prone to serial cheating.
Is It Okay to Cheat If You’re Not Married?
Cheating hurts people and diminishes trust, which is why it’s looked down upon. Plus, cheating typically offers a temporary thrill and can leave a person feeling alone and empty after it’s over.
That being said, cheating isn’t a healthy behavior and should be avoided for the sake of one’s mental health.
Still, many people continue to cheat despite knowing how harmful it can be. They may try to justify it by saying that they aren’t married, but this isn’t a good enough reason
Two partners in a well-defined, mutually exclusive relationship (of any kind) should not have to worry about their other half cheating. If they find their beloved has been cheating, it will hurt their feelings regardless of whether or not they’re married to the cheating partner. Hence, cheating isn’t okay in any kind of relationship – be it marriage or not!
Do Cheaters Realize What They Lost?
Research iterates that only one fifth of relationships survive after a cheater has revealed their actions.
Interestingly, many cheaters regret their actions once they realize what they’ve done. They may be afraid of losing their long-term relationship over a fling and try to make amends. Unfortunately, only a small percentage of such relationships successfully recover from infidelity.
While it’s true that most cheaters know that cheating can make them lose their relationship, they cheat anyway. Again, this is an unhealthy coping mechanism for most, and may need attention from a therapist.
On the other hand, a minority may cheat without knowing it. This happens when their primary relationship’s boundaries aren’t clearly defined (like in a “situationship”). Once they see their beau upset and realize what has happened, they may realize what they have lost.
Similarly, people who lose long-term relationships or marriages because of infidelity may also develop a sense of loss.
Final Thoughts
So, what does cheating say about a person?
Hopefully, reading through this article will have granted you some insight into a cheater’s mind. If you’ve been cheated on recently, consider reaching out to a therapist or trusted friend for support. Doing so can help you make a healthy decision about what to do with your relationship next.