Is your boyfriend kissing you less often? Are you concerned about the lack of kissing in your relationship?
Physical touch is a big part of showing affection in most healthy relationships. It is an essential spice to brighten up a romantic relationship. You may feel worried when you and your partner start kissing less and less.
Kissing releases endorphins into your brain. This helps to elevate your mood and increase your happiness. So kissing is beneficial to both parties involved in it. You may wonder if he is getting intimate with someone else and doesn’t seem to be at ease with you anymore. What becomes of a relationship with a lack of kissing? You may even begin to question your beauty and self-worth. This will lead to the question:
Is our relationship doomed if my boyfriend doesn’t like kissing?
There are many reasons why your partner may not be interested in kissing you. You must study patterns in your relationship before leaping to any conclusions on why your partner doesn’t enjoy kissing you.
Here are ten possible reasons to “why doesn’t my boyfriend kiss me?”
He Just Doesn’t Enjoy Kissing
Have your girlfriends ever told you “my boyfriend doesn’t like kissing”? If not, then you’re bound to hear it sometime soon…or be the one telling your friends! Surprising as it may sound, not kissing in a relationship isn’t as bad as you may have thought.
Think about it this way: we grew up watching Disney princes kiss their princess. But when our prince doesn’t kiss us, we get extremely upset. Of course we do – we’ve been conditioned to expect kisses all the time!
A 2008 study by the University of Wisconsin suggested that women who grew up watching Disney have ‘unrealistic’ perceptions of love. Now this doesn’t mean you should give up on love altogether! Instead, it means that love in real life can look different from love on a screen – and that’s okay!
So, if your boyfriend doesn’t like kissing, talk to him about other ways you two can enjoy casual intimacy. The importance of kissing in a relationship can’t be denied, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be replaced with other meaningful gestures. The goal is to make you both feel loved, so find an intimacy style that works for both of you!
He Doesn’t Enjoy Physical Contact
Lack of kissing in a relationship suggests your boyfriend has a lack of interest in physical contact. Again, this doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you! Remember, everyone is wired differently. So, it’s only natural that different people show love in different ways.
If you’re wondering “why won’t he kiss me?”, it’s worth looking into Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages. The five love languages include: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
If your partner’s love language differs from yours, you two may both feel unloved. This is because his behaviour (or way of showing love) isn’t meeting your needs, and vice versa. Oftentimes, both partners feel unloved without realising that their partner has been showing them love…just in a different way than they expected.
So, if your boyfriend doesn’t like kissing, it’s possible his primary love language isn’t physical touch. But if yours is, then you two need to sit and have a heart to heart about it. Try to understand his love language, and communicate yours, too! As your partner, he’ll do his best to understand, and you should do the same for him.
On a side note, if your partner has sensory issues or is neurodivergent, he may not appreciate physical contact too much. Many neurodivergent people have sensory icks, and this extends to kissing for some people. But don’t jump to conclusions or shame him for it!
Bad Breath Issues
Are bad breath issues causing a barrier in your relationship? No kissing in a relationship could signal towards an underlying oral hygiene issue…on either side. It’s possible either one of you has stinky breath, but the other doesn’t want to let their partner know.
For example, maybe he has a gum issue that gives him bad breath (and he can’t help it!). If so, not kissing in a relationship means he isn’t confident in his breath.
Or perhaps you’re the one with a stinky breath, and he won’t tell you because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. So, next time you’re wondering “why is he avoiding kissing me?”, do a quick breath test! If your breath does smell bad, see a dentist to get your gums checked!
He Likes Kissing But It Easily Turns Him On
This might be especially true if he avoids kissing in public places. Your boyfriend may be too quickly turned on by kissing and tries to prevent that kind of public display of affection. He might just be trying to respect you, so you don’t feel rushed when kissing escalates into something you are not ready for.
So, it might not be a case of “My boyfriend doesn’t want to kiss me because he’s not attracted to me.” Instead, it might be a case of “My boyfriend doesn’t want to kiss me because he’s too attracted to me.” Bro is suffering from success.
Lack of Interest in the Relationship
If your boyfriend doesn’t kiss you anymore, it could be that he’s losing interest in the relationship. You can try rekindling the spark by flirting with him more, but if it doesn’t work, you may need to reevaluate things.
Now, if you’re doing everything ‘right’ and things are still going wrong, it could mean that you’ve both outgrown this relationship. Relationships or marriage without kissing are fine if both partners show love in other ways. But if he isn’t doing anything worthwhile, you know it’s time to move on.
He Is Moody by Nature
Dealing with a moody boyfriend isn’t easy, nor is it fair. Being in a relationship entails both partners are ready for it. Problems will arise if one person is more invested or emotionally intelligent than the other.
If you’ve been wondering “why is he avoiding kissing me?”, it means something is wrong. It could be a personal problem for him (like work stress), or it could be his nature. If it’s the latter, and he’s punishing you by withholding love, you need to rethink this relationship.
Now, if he’s avoiding you because he’s hurt, you may need to apologise. But if he’s being moody without good reason, ask yourself if it’s worth dating someone like that. Spoiler alert: it usually isn’t! And no, it’s not your job to fix him. Women aren’t rehabilitation centres for poorly raised men.
He’s Stressed Out
If your boyfriend used to be affectionate but isn’t kissing anymore, maybe he’s stressed out by life. Stress is a real mood-killer, and some men cope by withdrawing.
So, if you know he’s been stressed lately, ask him if he’d like to talk about it. If he prefers silence, give him the space he needs and don’t take it personally. Supporting him should be about giving him what he wants, even if it means not being super physically affectionate for a while.
Either way, you’ll need to communicate openly with him about things. Tell him how lack of kissing in a relationship makes you feel, but also that you’re happy to give him space to figure things out. Also ask him exactly what he needs from you, so you’re both on the same page.
He’s Shy or a Bad Kisser
Are you in a relationship with a new boy who doesn’t want to kiss? Maybe he’s just an inexperienced bad kisser who doesn’t want to disappoint you.
Plus, modern media often pressurises men to be ‘hyper masculine’ like the smooth, sexy guys on TV. But not all men can be that way, and many are extremely shy around the ‘girl of their dreams.’
If so, don’t take his non-kissing attitude personally. Kissing in relationships may be common for you, but he may need some time to feel comfortable doing it. As his girlfriend, it’s your duty to support him by giving him time. Also, let him know you love him for who he is, not what he can do for you physically.
He Has Trauma Related to Kissing
Trigger warning, but boys can experience sexual or intimate violence, too. Maybe he’s reeling from a bad experience, or faced some abuse in his past.
If you think this is the case, don’t pry, and don’t assume things about him. If he’s here dating you, it means he’s trying to move on from those dark times. Support him by being patient and loving him for his personality, not his physical behaviour.
Also, trauma can range from severe to mild, with both resulting in similar behaviour: lack of kissing in a relationship. For example, he could have had a toxic girlfriend who made him hate kissing. Or, he could have been in a more difficult situation. If you don’t know what really happened, avoid speculation. And don’t ever slap a label on him – trauma is never the victim’s fault!
He Wants to Break Up
Sigh. We know you don’t want to hear this, but not kissing in a relationship anymore might mean he wants to break up.
It doesn’t have to mean there’s something wrong with you, or that you’re not worthy of love. Instead, breaking up could mean he’s fallen out of love with you.
Relationships change and people grow apart. A relationship without kissing will also face a reduction in physical contact, like hugging and cuddling. When this happens often, it might mean he doesn’t like you anymore. You can check if you’re still compatible with this article. But if not, it might be time to move on.
Love ebbs and flows with time, but it’s commitment that truly lasts. If you feel your boyfriend isn’t committed to you anymore, it may be worth thinking about your next step.
Just be sure to sit down and have an adult-to-adult chat with your boyfriend about your relationship. Open communication is much better than hiding in your room, wondering “why won’t he kiss me!”
Open communication is much better than hiding in your room, wondering “why won’t he kiss me!”
When you two talk, discuss your goals and what you and him want from life. If your life goals and values align, you can try going to couple’s therapy to heal your relationship emotionally.
However, if you’re both growing in different directions, it may help to end things cordially now. You can also talk about taking a break and seeing if you’d both like to reunite when his (or your) mental health is better.
If you do have to break up for sure, know that it’s okay to feel hurt, but that good times will come again. Surround yourself with your loved ones, and try relying on your close friends for support. You’ve got this!