When people fall in love and start dating, it seems to them that their common future will inevitably be bright and happy. Although being in love with someone is important, when it comes to choosing a life partner, you should listen not only to your heart but also to your head. When we’re looking for someone we want to build a family with, it’s important to know about relationship compatibility. When I got married, I didn’t think about it at all. My marriage broke down when the initial attraction passed and I saw the real person I had barely had anything in common with. It became clear that my husband was not my compatible partner, and I was not the right one for him.
I have learned my lesson and I want you not to make my mistakes.
See below the proven signs that the person you are dating is right for you in the long run.
You Fight. Fighting is very important. It is a big mistake to believe that when you’re in love with a person, you can’t be angry with them. Love is a very complex feeling. There is anger, resentment, guilt, and other complicated feelings in a healthy relationship. If you never get angry at a partner, it could mean that you’re at the first romantic stage of your relationship or you don’t really know the person you’re dating. The truth is that each of us has both positive and negative parts. Healthy relationships are based on the fact that we accept the other person for who they are. This doesn’t mean that some of their habits or character traits can’t cause irritation. Sure, they can! Expressing anger in a healthy way is extremely important. How to release anger properly? You should admit your own feelings and take responsibility for them. The next step is to be open with your partner about your feelings and try to explain what was the trigger. Don’t offend your partner and don’t be afraid if they get angry at you. This is a healthy fight! This is much better than suppressing feelings. Holding feelings back destroys relationships in the long run.
How to release anger properly? You should admit your own feelings and take responsibility for them.
You Share Each Other’s Feelings. A compatible partner celebrates your victories and shares the bitterness of your failures. In one remarkable classic story, a deceived husband is almost about to forgive his wife for infidelity if she shares with him his jubilance of his promotion. This is just an example of how important it is for a person to be supported in their intense feelings. A compatible partner notices what is essential to you, what you are interested in and what you strive for. It is important for them to be there for you when both good and bad things happen. They respond to their partner’s victory as if it were their own and never turn away when they get into trouble. In my marriage, the partner reacted to my achievements poorly. In the end, I stopped sharing my joys with him. Later, I realized that I didn’t want to tell him about difficulties as well.
You Enjoy Spending Time Together. You don’t both have to enjoy the same activities. For example, one likes to climb up the mountains, the other prefers to wrap themselves in a blanket and watch Netflix. It’s ok, each member of a happy couple may have different passions and have some things in common. It matters how you spend your free time together. Are you interested in just talking to each other? How do you feel next to the person? How do they feel around you? For a long and happy relationship, you need to have at least a couple of things to do together. A good partner will tell you if they don’t feel like doing something and offer another option for how to spend your quality time. Quality time means that your partner and you are not just sitting in the same room, but making time for each other to get involved in a common activity. This helps to express affection for one another, build closeness and make your relationship stronger.
You Are Not Trying to Change Each Other. No matter how much we love a person, there are still things that seem annoying for us. It could be the habit of leaving the lights on, losing keys, or even the way they pronounce certain words. A compatible partner doesn’t force the person they are dating to change. They accept their partner as they are, with their positive and negative traits. However, they talk about what irritates them to work together on this issue. If you feel that your partner is trying to change you, then this is hardly love. Most likely, your partner is in love with their ideal projection of themselves – the person they would like to be to become their perfect match.
Your Core Values and Goals Align With One Another. To build a healthy relationship, your interests with your partner don’t have to be the same. However, you must be sure that you are working towards the same goals. Your story will be happy if you figure out at the very beginning that you’re on the same page. Discuss where you dream to live, when to get married, how many children you want to have, and so on. It’s important to be honest with each other. If you know that your partner wants to raise children, and you don’t plan on having any, you should not secretly hope that either of you will change your mind in the future. It may be so, but it’s better to accept the reality. Otherwise, no matter how strong your feelings are, there is a high probability that this key contradiction will destroy your relationship sooner or later.
For example, I wanted to live in a cozy house, whereas my ex-husband dreamed of a simple life in a trailer. Although he told me about it when we started dating, I thought it was a joke. Unfortunately, this turned out to be true. Accepting this truth was painful for me.
What is valuable to you must be valuable to your partner. Discuss your expectations, listen to what your partner tells you, and don’t expect you or them to make a concession after a while.
You Listen To Each Other. A compatible partner always listens to you when you talk to them. They aren’t checking their messages (and if they are, they explain why this is important for them right now), scrolling through their Instagram feed or doing something else that diverts their attention from the conversation with you. It doesn’t matter what you have to tell them. It can be a thing that seriously worries you or some kind of trifle. It’s important for a good partner to know what their loved one is saying.
However, we don’t live in the perfect world. Sometimes we are thinking about something that is bothering us, or we can be tired, or just hungry. In a healthy relationship your partner will tell you that they don’t feel like talking right now.
When I used to share something important with my ex-husband, he would often fall asleep. I believe, it happened not because I was a boring storyteller. The truth was he just didn’t care what was going on with me. I felt frustrated, then quarreled with him. However, it is impossible to draw someone’s attention if a person just isn’t into you. In general, the whole point is whether you and your partner have a real mutual interest or not.
You Do Not Shift the Responsibility for Your Own Well-Being onto Each Other. People may want to build relationships for many reasons. For example, they need some financial support or want to have children. The solid base for a long-term healthy relationship is different though. It’s love, of course. However, this feeling shouldn’t become the replacement of other interests and hobbies. To put it shortly, each member of the couple should have a personal space. If a partner tells you that you are the whole universe for them or they can’t live without you, this is hardly love. Most likely, they are terribly afraid of being alone. A compatible partner wants to be with you not because they can’t live without you, but because they feel a million times better when you are around.
You Do Nice Little Things for Each Other. Most of our life is a routine. A compatible partner wants to cheer you, distract you from worries, help you relax. They remember what you love and give it to you from time to time. It can be a cup of coffee in the morning, a dinner at your favorite restaurant or a massage. In a healthy relationship, people at times ask each other this question: what do you need now?
To Wrap It All Up. Everything tends to change. There wouldn’t be any progress without change. Partners evolve, and so do their views and desires. Relationship is also not a frozen sculpture. Any relationship has stages with crises in some of them. But you can still predict which partners are more likely to overcome inevitable issues and make their relationship even better. Just read a list of these signs earlier in your relationship and find out if some of them are part of your story and what you need to work on.